Jesse-boo and the rest of us

So, I felt the need to try and explain to the boys as best I could (or should I say, in a way that they could understand) about the process and what is getting ready to happen. Levi is very excited about getting his trache out! Every time we talk about it, he adds ‘and I’m going to swim like Nemo!’ He is having a hard time with the Doctor part though. He’s always been so, so good with Doctors but I have been unable to convince him that Doctors are nice… he keeps saying that he doesn’t like Doctors and he wanted Miss Jennifer(his physical therapist) to do the surgery instead because, he says he does like her. Anyway, I realized that I needed to back off because in my need to prepare them, I was making them anxious.
Jesse is having a harder time with all this. He’s a lot like Brian and doesn’t do well with change. He likes his ‘whole family a lot’(is what he always says) and he doesn’t like it when I say that Levi will be at the hospital and he will be with BeBe and Mister… he keeps saying that he needs to be at the hospital too because he needs surgery and healing also. Like I said before, in preparing them he got really anxious. So now that I’ve baked of, I’m realizing that there are some things that they as well as us, will have to deal with as it comes. I know that Jesse will be okay. He will be surrounded by people that he loves and I’m confident that they will follow my instructions to not worry about discipline and go ahead and spoil him as much as they want… I NEED THAT! I have such peace in knowing that he will be happy and well taken care of. It’s hard to have two that are so, so close and literally do everything together! Jesse will not be able to visit until Levi is out of the PICU(pediatric Intensive Care Unit) and he most likely will be there for the majority of the time. Of course, I don’t really think I would want him to see him in that state.
And the rest of us? Well, we’re good! Brian has been incredibly busy at work. He really enjoys it and does such an amazing job. He gets so much time to listen to great speakers and awesome worship music (IPod) so he’s ready! He has so much Faith, and he is still praying/believing for a miracle. He will have to work some this week, but hopefully he can spend the night every other night with Levi and that way I could get some sleep (maybe!) and stay with Jesse. We are so thankful for all of you that are offering to help and lifting our arms up… your prayers and encouragement mean so much to us! It’s truly humbling to know that so many are burdened for our sons and family. I’ve been kinda all over the place! These last couple of days I have felt the need to clean… really, really clean! I know it’s probably going to be a very exhausting week and if and when I do come home, I want to be able to rest and just focus on Jess. The week before we had the privilege of seeing some of my favorite coworkers, the Stearns and be encouraged by them. Before that, when the boys were sick, I had lots of battles to fight in my mind and spirit and even from the moment that we found out that he was going to be having surgery… it’s just been crazy! But God is faithful and I believe with all my heart that He truly prepares us for battle, as much as we can take that is. I can see that like my babies, I can only handle so much at a time. We are praising HIM for what HE has already done and is about to do and for what HE will continue to do. Suffering is Gods language… I wouldn’t have chosen to learn this, but I am thankful that HIS Grace is there. I also can see how we are so, SO blessed! And compared to what other people that we know and love, this really is nothing! And we are resting in that Gods got our back. May His will be done in our lives and may we glorify HIM through it all… and to you all, you are a part of this too! Thank you for walking with us… Love