Monday, November 4, 2013

Sovereign God

It's amazing to me how in the Bible, God started revealing Himself to humanity little by little. He is so gracious and realizes how small we are, how small are brains are and how we just can not get it all thrown at us at once. We would probably explode if He did.
So, in the beginning He reveals Himself to us as the Creator, MIGHTY, Strong GOD. In His name He adds that He is three in One. He shows Himself as EL ELYON, the Most High, Ruler, Sovereign God. El Roi, the GOD who sees (me). Adonai, Master... Lord. El Shaddai, GOD Almighty, all supplying, sustainer. Jehovah, the self existent One, the Most Holy, the Great I AM. Jehovah-Jireh, The Lord Savior, provider. Jehovah-Rapha, the Mender, the cure, the one who makes us whole, the Healer not only of sickness but of our souls....
We had the opportunity to share with the youth kids from Church two Sundays ago, that got me rethinking of a lot of stuff. Also, on Thursdays Im going to a Bible study that my mother in law is leading on the names of God, called 'Lord I want to know you'. It's the second time I have had the opportunity to study this book and it is just so amazing. When I look back at my younger years, I know that I loved God, that I knew Him well, I thought anyway. But I definitely had Faith in HIM. I could see Him as my provider, my sustainer, the One who Rules over all, my Master, my healer, etc. With the boys birth He tested it all. He had tested me before on a smaller scale, but He really tested me big time. It's crazy that almost 6 YEARS later, I am not even close to done processing it all. In a way I see this as Gods grace, not showing Himself to me in a way that I can't handle. I saw a dear sweet friend a couple of weeks ago, she was our connection to Baptist Hospital and the boys first nurse. She was telling me how some of her nurse friends get frustrated with parents, saying that they are so in denial. She tells them to leave them alone, to allow them to hold on to hope and not take that away. I can see how this happened in my life, God sheltered me from my own brain and little by little He has let me experience some of the emotions I could have had during to hardest part of the trial. Sometimes it makes me a little bitter, and I am ashamed to admit how long and slow this is all been for me to grasp, really to accept. I am a slow learner, I have so many questions and frustrations, I make myself feel overwhelmed and like I'm drowning! Thank God that He sustains me even in my hurt, anger and confusion. He slowly leads me into the deep.
God never makes mistakes, my name means 'little rock'. I know that my parents did not pick out that name for me because they just loved the meaning of it! I used to say that I could never survive another NICU experience, I said that if that's what God would give me, then I never want another child. Slowly, surely I can say that no matter what GOD, sovereign Ruler of all, who is ABOVE all and has POWER over all, if He always the trails in my life, then by His Grace I will survive them.
I've heard people say that because we live in a fallen world, bad things happen. That ALL evil comes from the evil one. And although this is true, it was a infuriating thing for my heart to hear. MY GOD is greater, MY GOD is bigger than the universe, NOTHING can happen without HIS permission, nothing can catch Him by surprise, we do have free will and I cant explain or understand fully how the two work together, but my heart knows they do. The conclusion that I come to is this. Everything, good or bad that God allows us to go through, weather its an attack of Satan, a 'natural' disaster or His doing, it all is filtered through His great and perfect Love for us. He is outside of time, He knows that pain will only last a moment, compared to eternity and the Glory that awaits us, it's but a blink of an eye. So yes, we live and operate in this 'fallen world' but GOD is over it all, above it all. Sovereign(possessing supreme and ultimate power, absolute, unlimited, unrestricted, boundless, total, unconditional power and authority).
I praise you Father, Ruler of All and I choose to rest in your great love for me today...

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