Liquid dishwasher detergent

So, pretty much all last year I was trying to figure out what was causing my boys eczema to flare up. Eczema is a crazy thing, it's an allergic reaction to something... finding that 'something' can be overwhelming and at times feel impossible. I have read HUNDREDS of different natural ways to get rid of this condition. Somewhere along the way I ran across an article about a girl who discovered that her eczema was caused by the dishwasher soap she was using for her dishes... crazy!!! So because I am willing to try stuff and this sounded very easy to do, I decided to make my own dishwasher detergent. Although it didn't really make a difference with the boys skin, I really, really like it! It's easy, inexpensive and works incredible. It's very 'green'... I really don't like how that sounds! Really, I do care about the environment but it is definitely not my first concern(anything green I do is undone because of the fact that my boys are not potty trained). If it's better for my family, that is why I do these things :)

Here's the recipe:

1 1/2 cups water 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar

1/4 cup liquid castile soap
2 tablespoons pure lemon juice (not concentrate)
2 tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon washing soda
**10-15 drops antibacterial essential oil, if using an unscented castile

extra white vinegar for the rinse cycle

In a small saucepan, combine water and vinegar over medium heat. Bring to just boiling and then reduce to low heat. Add each additional ingredient, one at a time, whisking as you go. Make sure everything is dissolved before removing from heat.

Allow to cool and then transfer to a storage container. When completely cooled the solution will separate into two layers, so shake it up real good before use.





I use 2-3 tablespoons per load. I also fill the machine’s rinse indicator with white vinegar – a very important step. Don’t skip this part! It will keep the dished ‘soap-scum-free’ and extra sparkle.

Lie to me

It's been a year since we made the very difficult decision to take Levi off of his medications. I feel bad that I haven't blogged about it every step of the way. I love reading blogs, but for some reason I feel like I can't blog because I may offend someone. I can be pretty blunt at times. BUT, I have decided, with the encouragement of some friends, that I will let you in on whats been going on here:)

What led to my almost nervous brake down was a meeting we had with Levi's ENT(ear nose and throat) Doctor describing the path to Levi's recovery from surgery. Now I know that they always feel the need to tell you the worst case scenario, I get that. But this was beyond that, it was a dark, back whole that we were going to have to walk into. I know that life experiences make you stronger, but when it came down to it, I couldn't imagine having to 'walk through the valley of shadow of death' again... and that is exactly how I felt. To top it off Levi's gastro-intestinal Doctor put him on a steroid that we were to mix with FIVE packs of splenda twice a day... Yes, that's 10 packs of splenda a day for a two year old, how long? Oh, we would have his esophagus checked again in 6 months and see if it was better, if not we could keep him on it longer... I still get a little furious when I think back on this...

The crazy thing about Levi's treatment is that on the outside he looked good. His reflux was controlled for the most part(any time it wasn't, they would just up his dose of medication or add another one when they couldn't), we had a nice steroid cream to keep both of their eczema under control, a great high calorie drink that was helping him get nice and chubby... but still, every time he would have his airway scoped it would look exactly the same as it had when he first got his trache. Red, swollen and inflamed. My baby could not eat a bite of baby food without gagging at age two.

So, what I have learned about medication and steroids this past year. If you need them, you need them and they are great to have around. BUT many times it sounds like you need them and you really don't. They lie to your body and tell you that everything is fine and on the outside everything is fine. But it's a double edged sworded that is both helping you and killing you! When the babies were in the NICU we understood this, it was what we had to do to save their lives. But why doesn't the treatment change when it isn't a life or death situation? Maybe it's because we like something fast, efficient, and something covered by insurance. We don't think about having to pay for the future consequences. And it's one thing to let yourself pay, but it's a completely different story when it's your baby that is paying the price. So, I had enough, more than enough. I realize now that it was totally God saving us from the path we were on and leading us a totally different way. The only reason we were able to make the change was because we were so fed up! And what we had coming was worse than what we had already been through!

God is so good, He brings us to such a painful place to help us change courses. And although it is so incredibly painful at times, without this we wouldn't have the courage to make any changes. This is also what I have realized, not everyone is ready for this, because you haven't been through enough to get you to the point of readiness, you may never have a need to. It may be to great of a sacrifice. For us it was more of a matter of choosing true healing, that comes from the Lord and giving up the lies that satisfy for a moment but lead to death....

I am thankful, so, so thankful and I'll tell you all about it! But hey, only if you want to listen!

Running from arrows

This morning the boys and I went to run errands. I had a ton of stops and everywhere I went I kinda had to hurry the boys along. I kept hearing Jesse tell Levi "run brother! Run from the arrows!", had no idea what he was talking about. He started asking me if we were going to have to keep running from the arrows and finally I realized, I had told them that we had to hurry because we had a lot of errands to run...

P.S. That was for you Em!

Again, a very late update! So sorry, I always think I will do better about ‘staying in touch’. I love reading other people’s blogs and always think that I should try and be one of the ones that does better about keeping everyone up to date with stuff. I think that in my case, I get overwhelmed about everything going on and have soooo much to write that I end up not writing at all!

We have continued to be so blessed. God has done amazing things in our lives, HE is so good! The boys are, well… their just incredible! They continue to grow and learn and smile, they are always, always smiling. They are hilarious! It is crazy to think that they are almost three. I thought that they weren’t really ready to be three, for one, they spent their first year of life just fighting to stay alive! It seems unrealistic to expect them to be caught up with other kids their age. They have been doing a lot of evaluations through the school system since they are aging out of the Early Intervention Program that they have been a part of since birth. It turns out that it is me that is not ready for them to be three. Yes, they are still smaller than most almost three year olds, but they are so smart!

They have been a little sick for the past three days, so last night I was holding Jesse and I started remembering how small he was, last year, the year before, the first time I held him! But their my babies? How are they getting so big?! Sometimes they will tell me that their big boys(or they’ll say their a cat, zebra, puppy, cow, you name it!) but other times they will say ‘yes, mommy I’m your baby’! Melts my heart.

This has been a very busy month for us, with all the testing for the boys. In two weeks Levi will have another procedure. A scope of his airway, lungs and esophagus. Two days after that, my babies will be turning three! Two and a half weeks after that we get to visit home, It will be Levi’s first time. Of course I am thrilled, they’re excited too! Levi keeps getting mad when we come home because he says he wanted to go to Mexico!

We have continued in our ‘healthier’ lifestyle. Levi isn’t on any medication. Unfortunately we have not been successful in getting their skin nice and healthy. Their eczema continues to be a daily battle. This makes me feel that his esophagus won’t look great when they scope him. But, he does continue to improve with his eating. It’s crazy to think that last year he would only take tiny little bites of baby food, by force and then throw up! The gagging is gone completely… God is so good… He’s always talking, he even tries to sing!

In the 9 months that we have been not following doctors orders, I have learned a lot about myself and what I truly desire. First of all I must say, doctors are great! I love many of them! But what they have to offer is what I don’t like. I want healing, and that only comes from God. Restoration… I want my Fathers hand to touch my sons airway and restore it. I don’t want a surgeon to share in God’s glory and I definitely don’t want their side effects. BUT, God is in control and HE knows the desires of my heart and He also knows what’s best for us and what will bring HIM the most glory. I will continue to ask and beg and seek His healing hand until He tells me to stop, until He closes the door. I have so much hope, even though my eyes show me not to, I have hope because I know my GOD and what He says He will do for His children. It’s going to be good, it’s going to be amazing! We don’t get His timing, but even then we know that it is perfect.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers, for lifting up our most precious gifts to the Father, for walking this walk with us.

A very late update

I wrote this on my wedding anniversary, my computer was not working so I never posted it. But, here it is, only a couple weeks late!

5 years ago today I married the man of my dreams. It was a beautiful wedding, with 16 little bridesmaids, my two best friends and my future sister in laws. The weather was perfect, and although there was a little mess up with the sound system, it was perfect. But why oh why did my dad preach about hardship? About this invisible war that we are in? I didn’t think much about it then…

We had such a wonderful ‘dating’ time, getting to know each other was so much fun. Life was so exciting, and I couldn’t wait to start my new life as a married woman… if only I would have known! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my husband! I LOVE being married to him and he is the ONLY one for me. The craziness has come from our circumstances, which we have absolutely no control over. And we’re learning to deal well in the midst of those circumstances.

From day three of our marriage, the battle began and hit hard. Yes it’s slowed down this past year but now we deal with all the hurt and brokenness, and that’s no fun! I’m doing a Beth Moore Bible study and we were learning about fire and gold. When it’s first put into the fire it looks like a piece of charcoal, after all the outside stuff burns off, it looks beautiful! But if it’s left longer something else starts happening, what’s inside the gold, the impurities start coming out! I know this is what’s happened to me! And no, it’s not fun to live with me when my impurities are at the surface.

Brian has been my best friend, at times my worst enemy. I have admired him and been ashamed of him. Some days I feel like I could not love him more, and other days like I can’t love him! He has been a shoulder to lean on, and at times that’s all I get! I could go on and on with this. But you get the picture! Sometimes I wish our circumstances could have been a little more normal. I see couples that haven’t been through ANYTHING and I envy them. But at the same time, maybe we are getting over the worst to be able to enjoy what’s next more fully… Hmmm, I sure hope so!

In 5 years we survived a hurricane on our honeymoon, cared for 16 little girls with scarlet fever while my parents were away, lived 9 months in the mountains with me being on the verge of throwing up from being so car sick, started two adoptions, got our hearts broken right away with the first one. Got pregnant and very, very sick, as in couldn’t even hold water down! Traveled to a different country to give birth to my two 1 ½ pound babies. Fought against death itself for 3 months, spent the next year with no sleep, the year after that trying to figure what the heck had just happened and grieving for all that I had lost, at the same time feeling guilty for not just celebrating everything that we have. This past year has been about healing, accepting the things that cannot be changed, making new friends, learning how to fit in this culture, missing my home and everything that comes with it. Learning to be joyful always, and realizing that sometimes our hearts will always be a little broken. It’s okay to be sad, even when in the presence of the purest joy.

I see pictures of our wedding day and I am shocked at how young, joyful and beautiful we were! It’s amazing what 5 crazy years can do to you. But I pray that this is just the effect of what’s surfacing and that in the next 5 years we will gain some of that beauty from our youth, from our previous less complicated life. It’s been a hard run, but it’s been a good one. God is good, always. His purposes are eternal and he is molding us in His image, how incredibly humbling is that!

Long season

My aunt told me 'don't worry, better days are coming soon'... I hoped for those 'better days' but some days it felt like they would never get here. I have going around in circles.

When we realized that Levi would need his trache longer than we had expected and hoped for, I decided to let my hair grow. I wanted something physical to mark me, just like my son had his trache. And the day he gets it out I would cut my hair and the long and difficult season would be over. The longest I thought this process would last was 6 months. Then a year. Then two years. We have now entered into 2 and 1/2 years and the end is not really in sight. As most of you know, we didn't get the news that we were expecting from Levi's Doctors at Vanderbuilt. The change that we have seen, was not as evident as we hoped for and really, expected. So they sent me a couple of messages saying that we will return to give Levi his 10 packs of Splenda a day with the steroid. And 14 days of antibiotics just in case... I. Was. Furious.... just because they didn't see much change doesn't mean that what I have seen every day for the past two months isn't real. He is a different boy! He is eating, that is a Miracle! He is not throwing up after every meal. That is another miracle! He isn't gaging and chocking on every bite he eats, yet another miracle! But they spend 15 minutes with him in an operating room and determine that there is no improvement.

I have experienced freedom like never before. Or maybe this is what I used to feel but hadn't since the boys' birth. Yesterday I told Levi's ENT(ear nose and throat Doctor) what was on my mind and heart. It was awesome! I didn't want to be disrespectful, and I don't think I was. But I did show SOME of my frustration. The funny thing is that he told me not to wait till I was over the edge before talking to them... I told him that had happened three months ago and this was me cooled off. He then thanked me for waiting! LOL!

So, freedom... Healing... a New Season... Thank you GOD!

Tomorrow is a big day, Levi will have his 5^th or 6^th? I can’t remember! He will have another bronchoscope. For the past 2 weeks I’ve been trying very hard not to lose my focus. To not let my emotions rule my life. To not let anything get in the way of my hope, my faith. Boy has it been a battle! I’ve been reminding myself to meditate on the Word of God, the only thing that cannot be changed no matter what.

GOD is in control…. GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! His ways have not made much sense to me these past two and a half years. But they are good, they are perfect. And we are trusting in HIM. No matter what they see tomorrow we are trusting in God’s goodness and His perfect plan for our lives. For our baby boy's life.

Levi and Jesse are doing so good. They are growing and changing every day, they talk and sign non-stop! They are constantly running and jumping and getting scrapped knees… they are such a joy! Levi has continued to do so, so well with the change in diet. He hasn’t required any medicine and is eating like never before. God is so good… we are so thankful for this new Doctor.

So, tomorrow we are praying that the Doctors will see what we have been seeing. We are praying for his airway to be healed. We have never gotten a good report from this procedure. They have always seen the exact same thing every time they have checked, but we are praying that tomorrow will be totally different.

We are so thankful for what God has already done and the healing that has already started. Every time Levi willingly opens his mouth to eat, we praise God… every time we hear his precious voice, we feel like we have just witnessed a miracle. Thank you all so much for your prayers…